Sometimes we feel disabled and “frozen,” in the range of responses we can make. Often we look for the cause of this state of affairs in others. We’ll never find it there, since it resides in ourselves.
For instance, if I attempt to manipulate those around me by being the sort of chap who has a very short fuse, many people will modify their behaviour¬ towards me in such a way that they are careful not to do or say anything that would make me cross. NOT because, “I may get cross,” but because they believe they lack the skills to deal with my anger. Others who I perceive to have those skills rarely, if ever, become the object of my wrath.
If I manipulate those around me by being “upset,” then I am rarely troubled¬ by people whose words or deeds might “upset” me. Again NOT because “they don’t want to upset me, but because they have learned to feel dreadful when exposed to my “upsetness.” Those individuals who seem oblivious to my propensity to be upset, seem rarely to upset me. Prompting my victims to mumble, “If I’d have said that he’d have ……… la de da de da.
Like a great many things that can freeze our responses it is implanted into our souls at an early age - often by the parent in whose interests they operate.
Responding to these fears at six years old is probably a smart thing to do……… at forty-six it’s probably restrictive.
