This public speaking lark is interesting.
I once had a lady come to see me because she had problems with blushing. She could do the Karaoke and have no problem at all – she loved it. What she hated was to then come off the stage and stand with her boyfriend and their friends. At some point someone would ask, “What do you think Freda?”–she would blush terribly and conscious that everyone had notice would blush all the more. It didn’t seem to add up.
My hunch was that when she was doing the Karaoke she stepped out of being her and the whole of her attention was in the song and coming in on the beat. Her attention was in the moment.
When she went back to her boyfriend and their friends – none of whom would dare to get up and sing, her attention wasn’t in the moment and she was waiting for their attention to turn to her when she knew she would blush. She wasn’t in the moment – she was waiting for the catastrophized future she imagined.
I’ve seen a range of people who, for a variety of reasons, find themselves having to do “Public Speaking;” couched as such it seems a big deal.
Generally these people are not volunteers. They’ve often agreed to be Best Man, their daughter is getting married or they’ve just got into a position at work where they have to make a pitch to an audience.
Over the years I’ve found that they have two choices, either to step out of themselves and like an actor, put on a presentation or simply be themselves.
The actor option is the one they usually try for. That’s why they end up seeing me – they know they’re not going to be good at it and the possibility of failure is high. Like a song-and-dance man it may be fine but if the cane doesn’t bounce just right or they miss a step the whole thing is down the pan.
My preferred option is to persuade them that simply being themselves and in my terms, being real, will do the trick. There is no cane or straw hat, no dance routine you just turn up and be yourself.
The last father of the bride I saw was thrilled with himself and texted me before the tables were cleared that he’d, “aced it.”
I don’t see that many thespians but my hunch is that like the blushing Karaoke singer they often find it easier being a character than being themselves. You know where you are with a character, even if that character is King Lear, Othello or Bottom. Being yourself can be tricky.
